The Star Wars Prequel in my head #starwars

In the prequel, Anakin meets Obi-Wan, shit, maybe even Qui-Gon is there too. Anakin is a kid on a desert planet, about how old Luke and Rey are when we meet them on their desert planets.

The difference is they want to leave and Anakin doesn’t. Amidala, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are ready to go deal with some galactic space problems that could prevent the Clone War. But Anakin finds out he has powers beyond his wildest imagination and so he decides to stay and fight against the Hutt cartel and their industry built on slavery. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan realize that there are no trade disputes, no galactic problems more important than these people here. Amidala and Anakin bond over fighting for something worthwhile.

They unite the Sand People and lead the Tusken Raiders against the Hutts, decimating their operations, leaving Jabba, a sickly youth who will never be able to put their human trafficking industry back together.

“He will only be able to rot here with a group of bounty hunters. Let him rot.”

It looks like Lawrence of Arabia with lightsabers. Anakin wears a triangular air filter that causes his breath to take on a sinister tone. They fly their spaceships into the orbital stations that keep the slaves marked and shackled and destroy the Overseer Stations one at a time, landing to lead the uprising against the Hutts and their soldiers in their desert skiffs. Qui-Gon dies in a battle with Darth Maul but it is a Darth Maul on loan to the Hutts from Palpatine, who has personal stake in their business interests.

It ends with a reversal of the medal scene at the end of Star Wars. The Jedi Council calls Anakin and Obi-Wan to trial and berates them for using their powers for war, for getting involved, for letting their passion get the better of them. Anakin tells them off and stalks off to fight in the Clone Wars. Anakin is fucking right. Obi-wan is forbidden from training the young, angry powerhouse but Yoda gives him the nod to stay near the kid and operate on the boundaries of the Council’s directives.

Senator Palpatine gives Anakin a medal in private. “If only the Republic were strong enough to end slavery forever. Without a standing army we are helpless and it is only a matter of time before it happens again.”

And it does but this time it is clones, people made to serve rising up.

Episode II is where Anakin is destroyed fighting in the Clone Wars, where Darth Vader is born. More on that another time…

4 thoughts on “The Star Wars Prequel in my head #starwars

  1. Pingback: Random Average » The Clone Wars as they were Fought in my Head

  2. As a kid, I was always convinced that the Clone Wars were against an opponent using Clones. Or, possibly, about Clone civil rights, which seems especially likely considering that the Galaxy is clearly still dealing with both slavery and the lack of civil rights for Droids.

    For me now, though, the prequels should probably look a lot like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon…

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