I made a list of 3 GM advice subreddits called RefAdvice.
Don’t punish characters for something that bothers you – the person.
Talk to your friend about the kind of game you want to see and explain why their character’s actions worked counter to that. Talk to a real person, don’t penalize the character for not the player not role-playing the way you wanted them to role-play.
Have a conversation.
They aren’t cowards; that is nonsense.
In some styles of play that is just smart gaming.
If it isn’t the style of play that you want to see at the table – TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS about what kind of game you want to see.
Ask them why they are running, what they are scared of. Talk about what happens if characters do die and maybe explain how resilient 5e characters really are.
Time for a conversation – because there are plenty of threads in this very subreddit that say things like, “My players refuse to run, even when the encounter is over their head and I’ve hinted that it is VERY dangerous.”
Your friends are excited and are talking about the game you are all playing together. Don’t stop playing but don’t fret about people you are gaming with being excited to play.
There are plenty of threads in this subreddit about people in your position who are playing with people who don’t talk or think about the game at all. Be happy they are excited, talk about the realism the table wants to see and keep the game moving so that you have fun too and don’t have to watch them plan for ages.
Hope that makes sense and is helpful. Good luck.
I might say something to the player like, “Hey, you seem a bit disconnected from the game’s going’s on for a few sessions. What can we do to bring your character into the thick of it? What is interesting you, the player?”
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