Star Trek: It starts as if you were seeing the last ten minutes of a classic episode that takes place on an all-viking planet, then it launches into intense Klingon shenanigans.

“Spock, why in hell is there a planet of vikings in space?”

“The same reason there are gangster planets and Roman planet, Captain. It is infinity and everything is out here if you look hard and far enough, which is science’s way of saying, ‘I have no idea.'”

Batman: In which we get to see the Dark Knight Detective solve a crime and show how much he learned after getting school repeatedly from the Joker in the lasts film before the Ras Al Ghul gathers the new breed of criminal that has been born.

“Gotham is yours, you glorious masked freaks but the detective belongs to the Lord of Assassins. None may touch the Bat but a member of the Al Ghul clan.”

Superman: Brainiac triangulates the coordinates from the huge mound of kryptonite thrown into space in Superman Returns and we get to see Clark teaching his son about his heritage even as a giant robot comes to destroy it.

“Daddy, how are you going to stop Brainiac?”

“I’m not sure, son. He’s smarter than me and probably just as strong but I’ll figure something out.”

“Can I help?”

Spider-Man: Norman Osborne, played by Willem Defoe returns and does not wear a mask because anyone who puts Willem Defoe into a mask to make him look creepy is stupid. He kills Gwen Stacy and all hell breaks loose.

“Rich industrialists have been getting away with murder for hundreds of years. It is a tradition.”

“Not while flying around Manhattan on a state of the art jet-sled, dad.”

“Son, have you no imagination?”

Star Wars: Luke becomes a Sith Lord and Han and Leigha’s twins have to stop him aided by two antique droids. Novels? Eff them in the ear. Damn right.

“Sis, you take the lightsaber, I’ll take the blaster.”

“You calling my Jedi powers hokey religion?”

8 thoughts on “Sequels

    • You are going to hell for that.

      And you’ll be able to post that very reply twice when I review some recent comics that I am digging. The latest Fantastic Four arc is just fucking stupendous.

  1. I’m just saying: If you are going to disparage others’ ideas, don’t lead with the crap ideas. Oy.

    I’m looking forward to these reviews and I’ll see you in Hell.


  2. Willem Defoe returns and does not wear a mask because anyone who puts Willem Defoe into a mask to make him look creepy is stupid.

    I will resort to an overused internet idiom and just say, “LOL”. So true.

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